The national dan championship draws near…
Like every year, I am forcing myself to take part. My sensei made it clear that it was not a good attitude to avoid going to shiai. But it’s hard on the ego especially since I’ve never landed a single ippon in shiai (despite being 3rd dan). It makes me think I must be one of the “weak” holders of a certain dan rank (as I have often overheard being uttered here and there).
Maybe it is because I never won a single point, let alone match that I’m saying this, but I have no interest in competition. I have no interest in facing others with a pressure to win anything. I find that kendo is very different without its competitive aspect, and I would welcome large jigeiko sessions instead of competitions.
I feel that my opinion is not mature enough though, so I’ll just stick to it until I finally get it, until I can play my usual kendo in shiai and make it work there.

